You can trust me, wink-wink, nudge-nudge...

Dude. Quite frankly I am growing tired of your accusations and implications. Please, let us be clear on one point. I did not sleep with your wife. In fact, I firmly believe that NO ONE has sleep with her including, sadly, you.

Don't get me wrong. I like your wife. I think that she is intelligent, funny and quite good looking. There are millions of other people in the world that I feel the same way about. Like this girl:

And this bloke:

I have not, to the best of my knowledge, slept with then either. Although I might. Heck, truth be told, I might sleep with your wife too. If she weren't your wife. Conveniently, you are taking care of that for me. Thank you. Of course, there is the fact that I too have a wife. 

So mine would also have to go before I could consider sleeping with yours. Of course, your wife might not want to sleep with me, as unlikely as that seems. 

Why? Well, it's not because I like you. I don't. You are not good looking or funny. In fact, at your best I find you quite dull and sort of odd to look at. You are not particularly bright and we have very little in common, other than thinking you wife is fetching. 

Still, you are my friend and, to be quite frank, it is in good part because you are dull and dim that I wouldn't take advantage of those traits in you by bedding Jessica. There are those who might argue that you deserve it. Most everyone that she has ever met would be on that list, excluding of course your certain circle of friends, of which I am one by the way. We, or more precisely in this instance, I, forgive you your short comings. We love you (I still don't like you: you have to work that dichotomy out for your self) and want you to be happy. Not "Hey! this is cool" kind of happy but "Hey my whole life is cool" kind of happy. Quite frankly, you are fucking that up to a fair-the-well. Pity that. 

The sad thing is that, in the end, it won't be me that is sleeping with the woman who used to be your wife, but it will be some one. And he will hate you. And you will hate him. And it all could have been avoided if you worried less about who's dick is near your girl and more about you being a dick TO your girl. 

Sorry Charlie, it wasn't to me, but you lost none the less.